Lost Wonder

Usually I like flying. I don’t mean just once in a while, I mean you could send me ALMOST anywhere if you throw in a plane. The awe inspiring imagination of the people traveling is endless. Different colors, some slow and laid backs, others racing from point A to point B. The languages and the cultures mixing and mingling – usually peacefully. It makes my blood pump and imagination take flight.

This particular trip is the exception to the rule. I keep trying to move on in life, to focus on the future. But as luck would have it, my past is drawing me backwards. It’s not like I didn’t see it coming, I just wish the past would do what it’s supposed to do – stay in the past.

I watch people talking in different languages walking by, but I don’t wonder what country they are from or what secrets they may be exchanging. Today they are just colorfully bland forms drifting through my vision.

It doesn’t cross my mind where the plane just pulled in from or where the one that just pushed back as a late passenger arrives at the counter is going to.

I have lost the wonder magic of flight and travel. Nothing stays in my mind long. A brief snippet of the past, wishful conversations I want to have – to control, then I’m following another rabbit down a different hole.

Work, friends, past choices, current conflicts, new decisions, the future….

In a matter of a few short hours, the course of my life is about to alter. Whether my life’s journey finds an open and sunnier path or narrow into the undergrowth and slowly wither without ending is determined by forces beyond my control. No matter what I say or don’t say, my journey will change.

But for now, I just sit and wonder in black and white and shades of gray, what will my life be at the end of the week.

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