Intutition

Intuition is a funny thing. There is a fine line between listening to the universe guiding you and reading into things to get what you think you want.

I wanted desperately for my life to be a certain way, with specific people in it that I ignored all the red flags, made excuses for them and ultimately stopped listening to my intuition.  While my life was not horrible by any stretch of the imagination, it was far from the life I wanted, the life I had planned for myself as I embarked on adulthood.

One day, during a long drive north and then south and then north and then south again, I realized I was day dreaming about being somewhere else with people who were not currently in my life. It was during these ten to twelve hours of solitude that I realized I had talked myself into being content. A euphemism people use when they are neither unhappy nor happy. Which at the end of the day means, I wasn’t happy.

When the universe pushed me to make a decision, stay content or start over, I decided to start over. It was the hardest and most painful thing I have ever done.

The months that followed were such a roller coaster of peace, debates, arguments, threats, and more drama. Through it all I tried to find my voice, my intuition, but I had suppressed it for so long that I didn’t recognize the signs as they appeared before me. Ultimately, even my friends pointed out the odd coincidences that seem to come at me — and them.

I continued to debate with myself for months, I was just seeing what I wanted wasn’t I? I wanted something to change so badly and so much that I was creating meaning out of random events and ideas and conversations.

Things, people, and finally places lined up in the only way they could to clear the path that I chose to follow. I still have friends that say it means nothing more than the meaning I put into it and others that say, my thoughts became things. Either side fence that you fall on, one thing everyone agrees on — including all my doubts: I am closer to who I should be, wanted to be all those years ago when I took my first step into adulthood.

I am where I should be right now at this moment. My voice is becoming stronger,my intuition is spot on,and I am becoming who I have been dreaming about.

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