Choosing You

It is easier to lose yourself than it is to find yourself.

We start out in life with amazement and awe and courage. Over time we give in to bravado and, most of us, give into society.

Imagination and differences are frowned upon. A special few are born with the strength to defy all and do what is in their best interest all the time and never lose sight of that. Some give in without knowing it; little by little they take the easy way and put aside what is in their best interest and by extension, they put aside them.

Over time those of us that took the easy way, come to realize that the sacrifice of putting aside what they believe was in their best interest means giving up a part of them.

The delusions we take on in the guise of acceptance, in the guise of going with the flow, in the guise of contentment changes us forever. I have come over recent years to realize that I had given up on me, the world, people, family and friends because it was easier to listen to those that I held in high regard, those that I trusted — whom I should have been able to trust. I perpetuated this false illusion by thinking I was content. It is a word I have come to look at with contempt.

Why must we give away or compromise what and who we are?

Content is not happy, content is just good enough. Content lowers your expectations of who and what you are; who and what you want to be.

We need to find the inner courage to return to our original path. The scariest question of all time: can I find me?

Sad Sign by Regina HerryJersey | Writing Rants

Once the decision is made to bushwhack back to who we are, what is in our best interest, we realize just how much we lost, how much we gave away in time, dreams, and happiness.

It is these first steps which are the easiest (only realized in hindsight). The darker times wait a few months and in my case a couple, of years. It showed me who my friends truly are. It showed me that my family was still there. None of them in the same way as I had left them, but still the support to pull me through, to focus on the light and not the dark was enough to keep me going.

I chose me. I chose the harder path of finding me again, of reaching outside my comfort zone to get back to who I had aspired to be growing up. Little by painful little steps, I have brought back into my life the joys I had lost along the way.

I have reached beyond what was a contented delusion to find new friends, a new place to live, a better support system. I have brought back into my life the joy of riding, writing, traveling, and exploring nature on land and on water. While some key components have yet to materialize, I have better happier days knowing I am choosing to find me again and to be OK with that, to be accepting of the time lost, to be OK with knowing that better happier times are ahead of me, just waiting for me to be in the right place and time.

Do you have the courage, the stamina to return to your path, follow your dreams, be who you want to be?

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